Monthly Archives: April 2014

Shattered shards

I adore every time my heart breaks and when calamity hits me not once, not twice but thrice I feel compelled to fall unto my knees in full submission.

When you had afflicted Your Beloved صلى الله عليه وسلم with sorrows and starvation~ he found recluse under an abandoned tree, invoking you and he blamed himself for the attitude of man. You showered Your infinite blessings upon him like the rain that hits a place of drought and You honoured him with the miraculous night journey.

When you had decreed for Yusuf عليه السلام to reside many years in a lowly cell~ betrayed by his own flesh and blood- he spent so many years away from his hometown, forgotten in the depth of darkness but then You ennobled him and every heart that met him fell in love.

When Musa عليه السلام fled from Egypt and he reached Maydan in desperate desperation~ like the lone survivor with just the rags on his back – You protected him like you always do~ granted him rizq, livelihood, a family, a wife. You spoke to him, you raised his status and he was given the name kaleemullah. On Mount Tur he responded to You and on the day of judgment he will awake clutching the leg of Your throne.

Oh My Lord, you test us in many ways and enduring these hardships have always paved a path back to You.

Then why is it that you have pushed Your Lord to arms-length yet you hold your loved ones in a tight embrace?

You’ve become so far away from The Lord- does not the distance made the heart grow fonder? Does not the heart ache for something greater?
What a foolish heart! Why has it not chosen to fall in love with the Most Divine instead? Why has not every thought become consumed?
Why is the mind not jealous of the heart who has the honour to place the Lord therein and why is the heart not jealous of the mind who has been deemed worthy to think of nothing but Him. When will this distance cause you to drink from the cup of love? Surely your thirst cannot be quenched as you are not even aware of the status of the one most deserving of your heart.

~ These reminders you’ve left, they are not mere words – lessons of our legends, stories of our past and Allāh does not waste the efforts of the righteous.

It is You who inspires our heart towards You with no effort of our own- and Oh Lord I’ve realised the distance between us only grew because I had taken a wrong path and became lost in my ways. When I returned doors where open in places where I thought was no escape.

Oh Beloved of mine, I have endured many heartbreaks and my distress has become too heavy to bear; will this pain end at my grave?

Do not let me seek you with a heart you deem impure but wrap me in Your remembrance so that I may taste the sweetness of Your worship. Oh Lord who has made honey desirable to the bees, make Your mention sweet upon my tongue and a solution to my needs.

‘Allāh is with those whose hearts are torn.’

Shackled, broken, ripped ~ this is Your Lord oh servants of Allāh – He can mend the shattered shards of your soul..

He makes possible the once impossible 💙

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Weep much and laugh little

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“O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little.”
[Sahih al-Bukhāri, Vol. 8, 627]

Many have grieved after losing their loved ones and others have wept when their lovers had left them.
Some weep when feeling lonely and others cry after failure befalls them.
And then there are those who lament over trivial issues, did it occur to them ever to cry over their sins?

As if they are saving their tears for the day that no weeping will benefit. A day in which tears will flow enough to sail ships but not enough to extinguish the fire of Jahannam.

The day in which no tears will create sympathy in another’s heart but the stream that seeps down your face will only cause the gate keeper of hell to say,

“If you only had turned to Him when your tears were considered as repentance but alas you have arrived in a dreary destination and the fire that burns beneath your feet is just as how your evil deeds burnt any good you did.”

A day in which blood runs instead and the laughter they once were consumed in becomes a distance memory.

If you weep then weep in fear and for forgiveness. Weep as if you were promised Jahanam, the tears that will intercede are those of the regretful sinner – he commits such deeds and when he becomes sober from being drunk from the waswasa of the shaytaan- he realises the status of the One he has committed such injustices against.

Weep as if you are promised the deepest pit of the hellfire and you are the only one. Where are those who became grieved when the looked upon the haraam? Where are those who became consumed with guilt after committing wrong?

Will anyone cry?

Will no one shed a tear for what they have done?

However mankind continues to be unaware; he brings his own firewood to the flames and he rejoices in the darkness of the night at the little sparks he has managed to ignite.

Foolishness has caused him to not realise that he is the one who kindles his own fire and that he has paved an easy path for himself into eternal unspeakable horror.

Oh a day will come when the heedless will scream, “Another chance my Lord, I beg of you to return me to the earth,”

Oh how voices that day will be faded and unheard~ you’ve kindled your own flames, this was your own doing- your sins were like the wood you collected and you burnt up your eeman and it went up in ashes so now you are surprised regarding your eternal abode?

Did you not subconsciously choose Jahannam over your Lord?

He had given you your whole life to search after Him- a clear straight path but you were caught up in a maze. A labyrinth of disaster you created for yourself~ and you were proud upon proud to your mischievous ways.

– We came across a hadith in lesson today and it mentioned that after the righteous people have passed away, the sinners would be left and Allāh will turn away and forget about them.

This brought such sorrow to our hearts- if Your Lord turns away then you have not been neglected rather you neglected His call- the door of mercy remains ever open but only if you proceed to continuously knock upon it.

Allāh is waiting for your repentance oh strewn souls- Allāh says in Al-Qur’an to Muhammed ﷺ

“When my servants ask about me..”

He سبحانه وتعالى says ‘when’ not ‘if’ there is no doubt that one will return to His lord, be it during his lifetime- oh the fortunate ones! Or at the time after his death and these are the unlucky individuals..

…tell them that I am surely near.”

He is near and responsive but you, you ran away from Him and in reality you are just running towards him and when your grave is ready to accept you, you will meet him with the firewood you have collected for the flames.

Created you in pairs 💓

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Marriage without Islam is just a worldly action but with Islam it is an act of worship~ it gives this matrimony a purpose, a stronger foundation, a beautiful reason.

Today this marital bond is based on the most expensive dowry, solely on the beauty of a woman, religious attraction of a man’s attire or the wealth he has or the car he drives.

It has been stripped of it’s purity and we are reckless of our understanding of this blessed reunion.

It is Allah who instilled in His servants this desire to seek love and tranquility with another; we must ponder over the lives of our pious predecessors and how they lived their lives in blessed marital peace, – you see it was all for His sake and in the end their love for each other did not equate their love for Allah.

You may have come across the story of the boy and the apple (there are a couple of narrations regarding the exactly who the man was but I just want to share the moral of the story). So this poor man ate an apple which fell from a tree which did not belong to him- burdened with guilt he requested for the owner to forgive him~ the owner proposed the condition that he had to marry his daughter in order to pay off this debt. He said his daughter was disabled in many places, her senses not functioning, limbs not working. The poor man sighed and thought that this was just a worldly debt, it is better to marry this woman than face a disgraceful punishment on the day of judgement where justice will be given to whom they were taken from. He agreed to the marriage ~but the most beautiful part? He went to see his new bride and she was the most beautiful of women he laid his eyes upon. For when her father described her incapabilities it was metaphorical i.e she was blind as in she never looked upon haraam, her legs crippled because she never walked towards haraam. You see how this young man had such faith in Allāh? His decision to marry was purely for the sake of Allāh سبحانه وتعالى

They lived these precious lives but they never allowed life to overtake them, they remembered it was all from Allah, everything, their marriage, their property, their kids, their intentions as pure as ever.

We are told many a times, ‘looks do not matter.’ However much we want to believe this statement we know that to a certain degree~ attraction does matter. However do not let this be the overriding judgment – when you read about our pious predecessors- Umar wa Ali رضي الله عنهما do you not think they are so beautiful despite never seeing them? We have never seen images of the mothers of the believers but mention one thing about them our hearts begin to melt and we are captivated by their beauty.

Beauty is important but you have come up with your own definition if you think it lies entirely in one’s face for when a person has faith then he is beautiful and there is no doubt.

Simply just ponder over this particular ayah,
‘و خلقنكم أزوجا’
[And we created you in pairs]

Initially whenever my friend would recite this surah in class I’d give her a gigantic smile, teasing her that this is her most favourite ayah in the whole of the Qur’an. Looking over it now it amazes me, surely marriage is something which is not to be entered into lightly, Allāh has ordained your other half before you were born- before your soul was breathed into your body and Allāh knows best regarding his servants.

Let not petty desires become a obstacle, enter this religious reunion with the intention of only pleasing Allah and then following the sunnah of Rasulullah صلى الله عليه وسلم – do not let your needs and rights become first priority, it is indeed half of religion but the one you marry does not necessarily become your other half.

Some will aid each other into the hellfire but it is only the righteous couples who will be a source of benefit to the ummah and raise pious offsprings- question the state of your heart when you desire marriage to someone who is not abiding to the laws of Allah.

Marriage is an act of worship and like every other act it must be sincere to be accepted but rather it has become an act distorted and mutated through cultures, desires and whims.

Make it about gaining the love of Allah first, realise this is one of the longest acts of ibaadah one can act upon.

So become righteous because Allah is not un-just; he is Al-Adl.

He gives you what you deserve- be the standard you seek and if they love Allah more than you then praise Him immensely, you have indeed found a worthy companion.

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He never forgets, not even for a moment.

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Oh My Lord, hearts are at unrest when they are far from You.
The eyes have lost their vision when they no longer recognise Your Might.
When I moved away from Your Noor it as if the moon had lost it’s glow, the stars shimmered no longer and the sun had been diminished of it’s rays.

When I abandoned You my comfy slumber turned into a bed of thorns and all my life I had lived only to realise that within my body was a dead soul.

Teach me to love Oh Possessor of hearts- turn this dusty qalb towards You.

We fill our hearts with everything but Allāh and we expect not to fall apart?

You raised our status and made us the best of creation and Musa عليه السلام wept, pleading to You to grant him this nation but You declared they are the ummah of Ahmad, #Muhammed ﷺ – what other nation had been granted Your Book? What other ummah inherited the sunnah? In hope that we will be the greatest, outnumbering the rest of the previous creation.

On Yawm’ulQiyamah, Your Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم had saved his wish- He will not raise his head from sujood until His Lord grants intercession for the reckoning to commence and while the whole of mankind worries about themselves, the Beloved of Allāh ﷺ will be screaming ‘Ummati, Ummati!’ [My Ummah! My ummah]

He had loved us before we were born but my Lord You cherished us before existence and You created us so we may be grateful and You made us a Jannah to dwell in forever.

You never break your promise Allāh, Your word is true so why have I broken my promise again and again to You?
You’ve bestowed Your mercy repeatedly and I return to You empty-handed greedily.

Save me Allāh from myself, I seek refuge in You from all that is not true.
Love me My Lord, I’ve forgotten how to ~ Call to Your Lord like the last survivor in a desert; he walks the earth endlessly for salvation but finds peace when he realises that nothing can aid him except Allah – when you possess nothing, you will remember Allāh whereas Allāh is everything and has everything yet He never forgets you.

Blue eyes

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The ladies scurried at the door of the event; they were excited to meet the guest speaker. She had just converted a week ago and had invited the women of the community to an event she was hosting. The girls walked in clicking in their heels and fixing their make-up.

They expected a celebrity looking revert sister to come on stage, she wouldn’t have worn the Hijab yet they assumed. The sisters in the audience began asking each other if the revert sister would share her partying and promiscuous fuelled lifestyle with them. They themselves had bangles along their arms and upon their heads layed layers of scarves- they were fashionably dressed to impress and looked amazing.

Upon the stage arrived a woman covered head to door in a loose and opaque abaya, her blue eyes gleamed through the veil she wore. She ascended the stairs in a humble manner, her flat shoes rarely made noise. She paused for a few seconds then lifted her veil to reveal her Caucasian skin tone, she smiled timidly because she knew that she was not what they expected.

“My sisters.. she begins..

‘I ask you here today to beg you to have mercy upon the new Muslims. The non-Muslims will never accept you until you leave your religion and become one of them.

You run around trying to live their lives but merely you are just slurping up the vomit they puke out.

Stand in a crowded shopping center or on busy London road.

Stand and imagine it is the day of Reckoning and these people are fleeing for their lives and you are the only one holding onto flag of Islam. My beautiful sisters, when I reverted and went home wearing a loose abaya and a black scarf’ my family insulted me! You are extreme they say. Have you not seen the Muslim girls of today? They wear skirts and jeans with a scarf wrapped on their head and they expose their necks. You have just turned to Islam and you wear what the extremists wear.

She paused as if to catch her breath, she gazed ahead a second as if she was reminiscing that moment.
Smiling, she continued..’Wearing such style of ‘hijab’ sisters you have made it hard upon us to cover properly. Those who wear black and loose clothing’s are considered extreme because of such the poisoned that has leaked in from the western fashion society.’

She coughed clearing her throat; placing her veil upon her face once again, she left in the manner she had entered with.

Descending down the stairs, her shoes rarely made noise-

The silence of the room hushed behind her as she walked onto the busy London streets- nobody with her but her Lord.

(Based on a real interview but wrote it in a story format)

Oh children of Adam!

Resort to the darkest corner of the earth while the world falls into the deepest of slumber-not a sound, not a creak and not even the wind can carry your guilt-ridden words afar.

‘I’ve sinned,’ you whisper.

The world stops and stands still- you fear that now Your Lord will judge you and crush you to bits yet He waits, urging you to say your piece.

‘I’ve been so far away,’ tears run down your face, you quiver.

The release of these words are like that of bullets and you have killed what you were most scared to do.
The devils and the demons had kept you afar, ‘You foolish one, you wish to turn to Your Lord whilst you have committed every sin under the sun!’

Every time you battled with this voice in your head it called to you saying, ‘With your record- Your Lord will take one look and reject you instead!’

So you sought the time of solitude, whilst the word slept you became a figure of the night and you called to Your Gracious Lord- sleepy and unkempt.

My mountain of sin and fatigue will not keep this lover away, my Beloved, will you not hear the words that I have come to say?

Oh Lord! I have come, I have come with a bag full of wrongs’ I have come with a heart of defects and a mind full of sin. I have left the demons and the devils behind and I’ve come to confess, these are the secrets of my lies and defects! Will you judge a man when he has come to confess? Will you hold me accountable for all that I had possessed? Not a soul is alive and the night has become screen-I cannot see the reflection of my #shameful face- not even the darkness can save me from You. A #whisper you hear in the dead of the night when all livelihood is shunned, I whisper to you, will You listen to me despite all that I had done.

Not a creak, not a sound the head of this sinner is placed on the ground. I can barely hear the whispers myself but You reply to me and I hear You better than I hear myself.

You spoke to Him now let the Majestic speak to you..”and know what his soul whispers to him..’ [50:16]

‘…O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind,’ [Hadith Qudsi]

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Time is pain

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Time will heal all pains but time is also a great sorrow for the lover of Allah. He is in two minds- He wishes for His Lord to prolong his life so that he may increase in righteous deeds but he also wishes for the gift of death because he can no longer stand the separation.

He has been separated from His Beloved since his soul was breathed into his body so absence has not only made the heart grow fonder but it has made it wretched and yearning.

How delusional is the one who keeps a map hoping to mark the X in this life? He sails the seven seas and peeps into the deepest cave- his soul ecstatic for an answer but eternal treasures are not be found in a temporary abode-this unstable life cannot even keep a single flower in the same state, see it blossom one day and wither away the next.

How can he live in sakeenah and create a home in a world that has been cursed and Allah says that this world is more insignificant than the wing of a mosquito and the lash size of Paradise is better than the world and everything in it.

Oh how he spends nights in isolation and in extended moments of contemplation- ask the moonlight about the state of his life and look to his eyes to see the state of his heart.

When will the lover unite with the object of his affection? How long can he be patient for? He prays for a time when patience is not needed and he is to run to his Lord and he asks of Him to remove the veil, the barrier that prevented the muttaqeen till this very day.

I have come to see what my heart had yearned for my whole life, I have come to see what I was deprived of since birth. – Oh My Rabb, this world had held me captive and the only comfort lies in the day of my release. I lived to die to see this moment- Reveal yourself my Lord- This is my Paradise. 💙