Musa عليه وسلم was kaleemullah✨

I came into class one morning pretty early and found it to be empty, a sister from the older years sat near me keeping me company. We had become quite good friends despite never seeing each other much, I guess that’s the thing with Maddressah~ you just get comfortable with anyone and every student.

She grinned at me and said,

‘It’s really sunny today nas, I was just telling Allāh,’

‘Sorry um, excuse me?’

‘Yeah I was just walking down the street and talking to Allāh, it nice you should try it.’

‘Oh okay, I will…’ 😕 I said as I was piling books onto the bench preparing for the first lesson.

‘Hello Allāh,’ I stammered the next morning walking down my street.

It sounded so ridiculous, I sounded so child-like to be honest. What interesting thing can I say? I mean I can make du’a but general chatter to my Creator? If anyone were to hear me now i’m pretty sure i’d be carted off to the loony bins.

Picturing myself being shackled on hospital beds and blaming the the older sister I burst out laughing~ at that moment I saw the bus indicating to leave the bustop, arrgh!

Absent mindedly I grunted and said, ‘Oh Allāh I wish I got that bus 😭,’

Of course by the qadr of Allāh the bus decided that it no longer wanted to move off but wait for me 😬

I give a special smile to this sister whenever I see her now, I just know Who made her morning because He سبحانه وتعالى makes my morning everyday, it’s a bit child-like but i don’t mind sounding silly because well, who is there better to speak to right?

When Musa عليه السلام was granted the opportunity to speak to Allāh, he started talking about his staff, how long it was and what hand he held it in 😂 clearly trying to lengthen his conversation with Allāh by saying anything! Allāh knew his intentions but Allāh loves when His servant speaks to Him, begs of Him and asks. 💫✨

So talk to Him and tell Him everything, pour out your heart and you will find that in Allāh you would have not only sought a God but also a friend.

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A strange outlook

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I use to see these niqabi sisters around and I use to wonder how they did it.

I wondered how they could cover their face yet walk around so confidently despite the disapproved looks on passerby.

I thought to myself that niqab is okay for them I suppose but for me? Noo, not needed.

I saw many sisters in hijab who would only gain respect if they behaved appropriately, I saw the niqabi sisters who gained respect to the extent that it looked as if people were scared of them. Dressed in full black and her face void of any make-up my friend tells me in distress how boys were hooting at her from an open window of a car despite her wearing a larger than life abaya. It occurred to me that the headscarf and abaya ~ well it was losing it’s value due to the behaviour of some but what about the niqabi sister? Would men hoot from cars for her? Yes they would but only to scream racist remarks and mock her.

The niqabi sister looked like a stranger in her own world, brave enough to hide her identity, brave enough to be mocked and jeered at by ignorant people.

The niqabi sister did not feel that she was ugly when she recieved no attention at all, her self-esteem did not diminish.

She felt that everyone treated her as if she was invisable. The thing about niqab is that it acts as a superpower’ it will not allow her to free-mix in a the workplace/college or school frankly because the niqab screams out ‘I wear a niqab!’ It does not allow her to adorn herself with fancy clothes and make-up outside because it just doesn’t make sense.

The niqab did not allow her to take pictures of her beauty online because it just wouldn’t make sense and the niqab would not allow her to enter such places like shisha cafes because it just wouldn’t make sense.

But to that sister her niqab made sense. A niqabi sister faces the biggest fight for her naffs but you cannot see, she fights the shaytaan but it cannot be seen just like her face. The outward obvious sins are prevented by the niqab but her inner self is always in battle with her flaws. The niqabi sister wanted to go that extra mile and there is nothing wrong with that. Many hijabi and non hijabi sisters mock her and start refuting her. The niqabi sister just knows that if she were to die covered in this state she may be raised with the ummatul’momeenin (the mother of the believers) they also covered in this way but more and they are her inspiration and motivation.

Many wonder why the daleel has not been posted to support the niqab but the fact of the matter is…there is no need to quote to me the hadiths, Qur’anic ayahs and the opinions regarding what category the niqab falls under..sunnah, wajib or fardh because in my earnest opinion- I wear it to please Him alone. 💕

Uthaman رضي الله عنه loved Qur’an. ✨

The above verse is one of my favorite verses in the Qu’ran and however every line of ayat’ullah is amazing and the Quran is magnificant in itself.

The reason why this line brings such tears to my eyes is because of how it relates to the demise of Uthman رضي الله عنه

Uthman bin’Affan رضي الله عنه nearer to the end of his life- his enemies were many who were conspiring against him. They took advantage of his calm and tolerate nature and they planned to assasinate him. Ali رضي الله عنه sent his sons Al Hasan and Al Husain رضي الله عنهما to defend him. Az Zubair رضي الله عنه send his son Abdullah and other Sahabas sent their sons for the same purpose but the rebels climbed the walls and trespassed into his house.

Uthman رضي الله عنه was reciting the Qu’ran that he loved so much. As he was reading in utmost calmness and tranquility, they attacked him;~ his beloved wife tried to intervene but the brave woman lost a few fingers in the process. Uthman رضي الله عنه died with the mushaf in his hand. When they struck him his pure blood fell onto the beloved pages of the Noble Qu’ran which he treasured so much- his blood splatterd on the verse,

‘And Allah will suffice you against them.’

Thus was the end of one of the greatest of men that ever lived~ the night before his assassination, Uthman رضي الله عنه dreamt of the Prophet ﷺ, the noble messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم has said to him,

“Be strong! Verily you shall break your fast with us tomorrow night.” 💕

SubhanAllah, surely Allah is the most magnificant and All-power belongs to Him. Only he who is close to Allah would die with Qalam’ullah upon his tongue. ❤

Uthman رضي الله عنه was killed on 18th of Dhul-Hijjah the year 35 AH, and was buried at Al Baqi; he was 82 years old.

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Oh brothers and sisters who are suffering at the hands of the tyrant and the cowards~ verily Allāh will suffice you against them! Their armies will crumble, their powers will fall and they will scatter like lost sheep- oh people of Allāh, oh beloved of Allāh! May the help of Allāh descend! Victory will come, Allāh will suffice you against them!

(Brief notes from the biography of Uthman رضي الله عنه)

The wild and the wasted

8:00pm

Abdullah is in the car with his boys~ they’ve been riding down the same block again and again; for them it was a typical friday night. He fiddles with the stereo wondering what his friends would think if he started playing Quranic recitation. It soothed him in the most darkest of times- he didn’t go out his way to listen to it but that one time when his little sister played Surah- Rahman on youtube; man that was enough to blow him away.

They’d laugh he thought, tease him endlessly they would. He knew exactly what his best friend Khalid would say,

‘Oryt Mr Molvi, you do all that dodgy business but now you want to turn all holy and that?’

~ Abdullah grinned at his mates messing about in the back seat, he puts on loud RNB music and the boys rapped along screaming through the windows.

‘You know what brav, play this chunnne at my funeral yh.’

Their laughter erupted but little did they know how true this statement become.

9:00pm

Aysha didn’t want to meet him anymore; she promised herself again and again that this would be the end.

But..

Every time she saw him he had all the answers, all these plans, all these excuses.

‘I’ll tell my parents soon yeah? I promise babe I will.’

He always had a way with words and she fell for it every single time even though guilt would eat away at her the moment she went home.

She spent the night at his house and he convinced her to let him; he reassured her that she will become his wife anyway, that he loved her.

She asks him to drop her home after but he said the world cup was on so he half-heartedly kisses her on the cheek and sends her to the door.

She walks home in the dark clutching her coat tightly around her, she recalls what she did and she feels disgusted and dead, a part of her died tonight. She can’t breath when she realises she did the one thing she promised herself she’ll never do, she leans against a lamppost ready to be sick and then an asian boy runs past knocking her onto the road.

She swears at him but he can’t hear her. She can hear loud music as a car speeds towards her, they try and swerve away but the boys are drunk and out of their senses.

11:00pm

Musa is back on the streets, he promised his mum that he had gone on the straight and narrow but the street life is so addictive.

It’s not something you can just give up besides he’s got respect on the roads; that until he see’s some rival members in a car, they see him too no doubt and they speed up.

Their idea of a sick joke- chasing him and laughing.

Damn.

Musa runs. No way is he going deal with them without his boys. He barges into an asian girl who’s leaning beside a lamppost and she falls onto the road. She’s saying something, but he can’t hear her over the music blurring out from the speeding car.

The tyres suddenly screech to a halt and the street lamp falls.

The lamp’s light dims to nothing, the sound of sirens approach 15 minutes later.

There are gasps of shock as the people start to come out of their houses, some trying to comfort their children from the horrific scene as others try to help revive the injured.

Pronounced dead on scene,’ the paramedic mutters.

‘How many,’ the police officer takes his pen out.

‘Well there was five in the car and another body of a young asian boy found a couple meters away and also the body of a young asian female..’

The residents gather around, shaking and trembling behind the police tape.

There’s no sound apart from a broken stereo’ replaying the track of an RNB song over and over again.

12:00pm

كل نفس ذائقة الموت

[Kulu nafsin dha iqatul mawt]

The death that we run from is eagerly seeking us. Every step we take it lurks in the shadows waiting for the moment that the Master of the heavens and the earth gives orders to seize this soul.

In that moment whatever you are engaged in sin or ibadah, every soul will return to his Supreme Creator.

What will our last moments on earth be and how will we spend them?

Tread on the earth carefully because it will seem like forever when we are lying under it.

Lying, tortured, screaming in agonising pain if the path we took in this is worldly life was of disobedience.

Every soul shall taste dead.

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Wisdom and tea ✨

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I loved spending time with my elderly grandfather because through his ramblings, rants and rather obscene jokes I always end up learning life lessons, lessons that I would never have learnt elsewhere.

Whenever my grandad finished a meal he would raise his hands in an exaggerated fashion and would praise Allah immensely in such a way that it was as if he was about to die and this meal had just saved him ~ in a way I guess it was kind of true.

I would laugh teasingly saying that he was was so modestly greedy and that his grateful du’a made it seem like he’s never eaten before this day.

He picked up on my teasing one day, he smiled showing me all his false teeth- the teeth in which he took great pride in taking out and scaring me with when I was just a young girl.

“I’m not the crazy man you always assume me to be,’ he started.

Getting himself comfy in his wooden armchair, my grandfather turned to me and continued,

“If you really want something, something so dear to you, things you want for a long time, things that bring you so much joy and pleasure then make great effort to awake for Tahhajud prayer for if you do not ask Allah then why should He grant you anything?

When I was growing up in my hometown famine was common and starvation was widespread. Living in an economically developed country like this you will never understand the pangs of hunger, never would you be able to feel what the poor and less fortunate people of my country had felt. Sure you can sympathise but you will not realise the true blessings of food until it nearly caused you to die going without.

For forty nights I woke up before Fajr ~ pleading Allah in the darkness of the night to feed me well, to sustain me and to never let me go hungry till the day I die. Throughout my life I’ve suffered many tribulations and ordeals, I’ve experienced much difficulty but never have I once became hungry and was not satiated soon after. Allah has provided me with the best of foods all my life and till this day my tastebuds have not diminished so that is why I thank Allah greatly after every meal.”

He beamed after he finished speaking to me and then he walked off quietly ~ I could hear the soft dhikr from his lips as he plodded out of the room.
Never have I heard the remembrance of Allāh so beautifully uttered, so gratefully said.

He had a habit of just leaving me there by myself pondering over one of our talks~

Ask Allah for everything, even if it is only a shoelace, because if Allah does not make it easy, then it will not be possible.
– A’isha رضي الله عنها

I know that every each and every day my stomach will be filled to it’s content and I will never go hungry but shouldn’t that make me more thankful for such a bounty from Allāh?

Should I not marvel at His mercy and kindness that He has provided for me without me even asking?

Why has it never crossed my mind that He can so easily take this blessing away just as He has given it so effortlessly?

Ask Allah for things you are so sure will never leave your side, ask Him for even the smallest of things because if Allah has not made it possible then you will never be able to attain it even if it is between the tips of your fingertips.

Ya Allah we are dependent on You and unto You we place our trust. We are not sufficed until You suffice us and we were not saved until You chose to save us. I’ve asked for many things but today I have come to Your door and I glorify You with all Your most perfect attributes~ Oh how you are free from any want from anyone however for us- all that we need and want is You.

Shattered shards

I adore every time my heart breaks and when calamity hits me not once, not twice but thrice I feel compelled to fall unto my knees in full submission.

When you had afflicted Your Beloved صلى الله عليه وسلم with sorrows and starvation~ he found recluse under an abandoned tree, invoking you and he blamed himself for the attitude of man. You showered Your infinite blessings upon him like the rain that hits a place of drought and You honoured him with the miraculous night journey.

When you had decreed for Yusuf عليه السلام to reside many years in a lowly cell~ betrayed by his own flesh and blood- he spent so many years away from his hometown, forgotten in the depth of darkness but then You ennobled him and every heart that met him fell in love.

When Musa عليه السلام fled from Egypt and he reached Maydan in desperate desperation~ like the lone survivor with just the rags on his back – You protected him like you always do~ granted him rizq, livelihood, a family, a wife. You spoke to him, you raised his status and he was given the name kaleemullah. On Mount Tur he responded to You and on the day of judgment he will awake clutching the leg of Your throne.

Oh My Lord, you test us in many ways and enduring these hardships have always paved a path back to You.

Then why is it that you have pushed Your Lord to arms-length yet you hold your loved ones in a tight embrace?

You’ve become so far away from The Lord- does not the distance made the heart grow fonder? Does not the heart ache for something greater?
What a foolish heart! Why has it not chosen to fall in love with the Most Divine instead? Why has not every thought become consumed?
Why is the mind not jealous of the heart who has the honour to place the Lord therein and why is the heart not jealous of the mind who has been deemed worthy to think of nothing but Him. When will this distance cause you to drink from the cup of love? Surely your thirst cannot be quenched as you are not even aware of the status of the one most deserving of your heart.

~ These reminders you’ve left, they are not mere words – lessons of our legends, stories of our past and Allāh does not waste the efforts of the righteous.

It is You who inspires our heart towards You with no effort of our own- and Oh Lord I’ve realised the distance between us only grew because I had taken a wrong path and became lost in my ways. When I returned doors where open in places where I thought was no escape.

Oh Beloved of mine, I have endured many heartbreaks and my distress has become too heavy to bear; will this pain end at my grave?

Do not let me seek you with a heart you deem impure but wrap me in Your remembrance so that I may taste the sweetness of Your worship. Oh Lord who has made honey desirable to the bees, make Your mention sweet upon my tongue and a solution to my needs.

‘Allāh is with those whose hearts are torn.’

Shackled, broken, ripped ~ this is Your Lord oh servants of Allāh – He can mend the shattered shards of your soul..

He makes possible the once impossible 💙

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Weep much and laugh little

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“O followers of Muhammad! By Allah, if you knew what I know, you would weep much and laugh little.”
[Sahih al-Bukhāri, Vol. 8, 627]

Many have grieved after losing their loved ones and others have wept when their lovers had left them.
Some weep when feeling lonely and others cry after failure befalls them.
And then there are those who lament over trivial issues, did it occur to them ever to cry over their sins?

As if they are saving their tears for the day that no weeping will benefit. A day in which tears will flow enough to sail ships but not enough to extinguish the fire of Jahannam.

The day in which no tears will create sympathy in another’s heart but the stream that seeps down your face will only cause the gate keeper of hell to say,

“If you only had turned to Him when your tears were considered as repentance but alas you have arrived in a dreary destination and the fire that burns beneath your feet is just as how your evil deeds burnt any good you did.”

A day in which blood runs instead and the laughter they once were consumed in becomes a distance memory.

If you weep then weep in fear and for forgiveness. Weep as if you were promised Jahanam, the tears that will intercede are those of the regretful sinner – he commits such deeds and when he becomes sober from being drunk from the waswasa of the shaytaan- he realises the status of the One he has committed such injustices against.

Weep as if you are promised the deepest pit of the hellfire and you are the only one. Where are those who became grieved when the looked upon the haraam? Where are those who became consumed with guilt after committing wrong?

Will anyone cry?

Will no one shed a tear for what they have done?

However mankind continues to be unaware; he brings his own firewood to the flames and he rejoices in the darkness of the night at the little sparks he has managed to ignite.

Foolishness has caused him to not realise that he is the one who kindles his own fire and that he has paved an easy path for himself into eternal unspeakable horror.

Oh a day will come when the heedless will scream, “Another chance my Lord, I beg of you to return me to the earth,”

Oh how voices that day will be faded and unheard~ you’ve kindled your own flames, this was your own doing- your sins were like the wood you collected and you burnt up your eeman and it went up in ashes so now you are surprised regarding your eternal abode?

Did you not subconsciously choose Jahannam over your Lord?

He had given you your whole life to search after Him- a clear straight path but you were caught up in a maze. A labyrinth of disaster you created for yourself~ and you were proud upon proud to your mischievous ways.

– We came across a hadith in lesson today and it mentioned that after the righteous people have passed away, the sinners would be left and Allāh will turn away and forget about them.

This brought such sorrow to our hearts- if Your Lord turns away then you have not been neglected rather you neglected His call- the door of mercy remains ever open but only if you proceed to continuously knock upon it.

Allāh is waiting for your repentance oh strewn souls- Allāh says in Al-Qur’an to Muhammed ﷺ

“When my servants ask about me..”

He سبحانه وتعالى says ‘when’ not ‘if’ there is no doubt that one will return to His lord, be it during his lifetime- oh the fortunate ones! Or at the time after his death and these are the unlucky individuals..

…tell them that I am surely near.”

He is near and responsive but you, you ran away from Him and in reality you are just running towards him and when your grave is ready to accept you, you will meet him with the firewood you have collected for the flames.